"I'm Sorry For Spitting On Your Dog"
December 9, 2021
“How do you parent when Cheerios are no longer the solution to every problem?”
That’s a question I posed to a mom friend when Felix was about a year old. At the time, our strategy was clear and effective:
Kid’s about to pitch a fit on an airplane? Cheerios for in-flight entertainment.
He’s rejected all foods with nutritional value? Cheerios for vaguely healthy nourishment. (They’ve got iron, right? 🤷🏻♀️)
He’s upset because I took away the godforsaken singing dump truck? Cheerios for an immediate distraction.
Long before Cheerios became ineffective, I started worrying about what we’d do when they did.
A few months after he lost interest in the cereal, Fe launched into an epic tantrum over a diaper change. Out of nowhere, I sang the words “Meltdown town!” in full voice, mostly as a tool to release my own frustration.
He immediately burst into laughter and asked me to sing it again. For weeks after, he’d regularly request a “met-da-tow” singalong.
Cheerios had stopped working, but, out of the blue, here was the new thing. Crisis averted.
In parenthood, and in pretty much every other facet of my life, I frequently experience a sensation known as anticipatory anxiety. Whenever things seem fine, my brain decides to scan for future stressors. You know, give me something new to preemptively worry about.
What about the next variant? My first mammogram next month? Or the reality that my hairdresser will eventually retire? (He’s in his 40s. I have time.)
As I anticipate all of these imminent calamities, I’ve also been thinking about why I can trust future Lelia to know what to do. To this end, I love the concept of our Adaptability Quotient (AQ) — the capacity to adjust course and change strategy as our situation evolves.
I can’t predict the context or conditions that’ll surround future challenges, but I can remind myself of my high AQ.
What would it feel like to trust future you?
Recently, a coaching client received a huge promotion and mentioned the steep learning curve she'd have in this new role.
I shared that as we advance in our careers we stop getting hired based on our existing skill set. Instead, we get hired based on our leadership capacity and ability to learn on the job.* AQ in action!
Whether you’re navigating parenthood, a new role at work, or just the ever-changing landscape of the world these days, strive to remember you can count on your AQ.
When it comes to my kid, I try to remind myself that, just as we pivoted from Cheerios to our Meltdown Town jingle, we'll likely figure it out as we go.
These days, parenting is all about incentives (a nice word for bribes) and patient conversation. It’s exhausting.
Last night, the hubs and I cajoled Felix into a reluctant apology. It ended with him sincerely telling my sister-in-law, “I’m sorry for spitting on your dog.” 🤦🏻♀️
I’m proud that we’ve adapted and are calmly coaching Felix toward the (sometimes bizarre) result we want to see.
Still, I sincerely miss the age of cereal incentives.
*Pretty sure I read that in Lean In. Insert eye roll here. That said, I’m committed to attributing my content, and Sheryl Sandburg makes a worthwhile point.
