Have you ever struggled to bounce back from career setbacks? In this actionable post, I share what I wish I’d known about being valued at work as well tips for how to deal with setbacks at work.
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When Laura Cathcart Robbins first asked me to be on her celebrated podcast, my answer was no.
Well actually, it was, “Yes, but definitely not right now.”
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My friend Anya Groner says, “I take my friends’ successes personally.”
I love that. From Cinderella to Mean Girls, much of the media I consumed growing up pitted women against one another.
As an adult, though, what I’ve seen again and again is that — regardless of gender — when my friends thrive, it buoys my spirits.
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I was scared to practice my big speech. Then a friend told me, “It’s the throwaway pancake.”
Immediately, I felt my shoulders relax. “It’s part of the process,” Julie explained, “The first pancake’s never very good, but you can’t get to the good ones without it.”
Recently, a friend asked when it was that I fully accepted my sexual orientation. I immediately noticed an “oh shit” sensation: a wave of nausea and constriction in my throat.
I realized I (still) hadn’t.
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Yesterday, a friend texted me about her first mammogram. Since I’m younger than the standard timeline for the first scan, I asked why she’d thought of me specifically. She replied,
“You seemed like the natural choice of people to talk boobs with.”
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Have you ever struggled with how to help a friend who’s having a hard time. In this actionable post, I share tips for helping a friend in crisis, and I include texting templates to support a friend who's hurting.
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Thirty minutes later, they heard me wailing, “I want to go to the parteeee!” As the story goes, I danced with the grown ups in my PJs until the last guest departed.
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She replied that her boo was trying to pick up more industry-specific gigs, which paid better. Her note contained gratitude, a warm tone, and two exclamation points.
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Midway through, the brain fog rolled in. I acknowledged it to my client and persisted. I had such fun and likely landed the gig. I did all the things!
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Instead of allowing myself to rest and recover, I wanted to demand my body to improve so I could have this damn meeting. I wanted so badly to rally—to be seen as “good”, hard working, deserving.
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A few years ago, I fell. I slipped and busted my bum on stairs in my house that my ex-girlfriend describes as “beautiful and treacherous”. This wasn’t a little stumble.
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When my mom mentioned that none of these jobs made much money, I thought for a moment and explained that I’d be a doctor during snack time. I’d forgotten this until an early morning journaling session about my hesitation, as an adult, to call myself a writer.
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You kinda blew me away with your responses to my last essay (the one about Botox). It was my most read newsletter of all time, and a ton of y’all wrote to me after.
I literally said “f***ing fascinating” out loud by myself, to myself after reading your reflections.
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I kind of assumed I’d age gracefully. I imagined myself accepting each iteration of changes in my body and mind as simply the next phase.
We’ll call that an…overly optimistic perspective.
A trip to the dermatologist planted an unexpected seed.
As I anticipate all of these imminent calamities, I’ve also been thinking about why I can trust future Lelia to know what to do. To this end, I love the concept of our Adaptability Quotient (AQ) — the capacity to adjust course and change strategy as our situation evolves.
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What would it feel like to collect evidence that the world can be a delightful place? In real time, collecting such evidence can help us witness and tune into moments of delight, to create little respites from the challenges of our lives and the world around us.
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Many of us seek approval, connection, or support from someone who consistently disappoints us.
Certainly, there are friends and family members who provide some or all of the above. And then there are those who, well, don’t. Yet we struggle to accept that they simply don’t have or aren’t able to give us what we need.
Rather than defaulting to these should-be-easy-but-feel-impossible queries, trying asking, “How are you in this moment?” or starting your own reply with, “In this moment…“
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The uncertain, ever-changing landscape we inhabit makes it difficult to stay oriented. Even if the current change is a happy one, like COVID cases falling and restrictions lifting, it’s yet another way we have to adapt.
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