Struggle with self-doubt at work? Maybe you get stage fright before big presentations or you kick yourself when you leave meetings thinking, “Ugh! Why did I say that?!” In this essay, I share how to overcome self-doubt and overthinking, with an example of me speaking on stage for a keynote on authenticity.

Self-Doubt and Overthinking

I was stalling, overcome by self-doubt and overthinking.

My friend Julie Barton had come to my hotel room to help me practice for a big keynote.

Instead of going over my speech, though, I’d spent the last ten minutes telling her about the family responsibilities that’d consumed my energy for the week prior.

We discussed the frustrating Facetime with my sick kiddo the night before, how my mother and I finally cajoled him into taking his medicine as I sang to him from the busy hotel lobby.

After Mom duty, I’d chatted at length with my sweet grandmother who was trying to make friends, having moved into assisted living a few days earlier.

There was so much in my brain, so much weighing on my heart.

I also felt immobilized by the keynote itself. I’ve been very COVID-cautious, so this was my largest in-person speech in over 2 years. It would also be the largest group of people I’d ever come out to IRL.

A Mindset Shift Example

I needed a mindset shift. I was scared, even to practice in front of a close friend. Then Julie told me,

“It’s the throwaway pancake.”

Immediately, I felt my shoulders relax. “It’s part of the process,” Julie explained, “The first pancake’s never very good, but you can’t get to the good ones without it.”

I shook my body out, got ready to start…and promptly botched the opening line.

I started again, and this one stuck. As I finished my run-through, Julie looked up with a big smile and said “I’d eat that pancake.”

Insight From Brené Brown: FFTs

Brené Brown calls throwaway pancakes FFTs (F***ing First Times). She describes the uncertainty and fear that arises when we’re doing something new. Since we don’t have relevant experience or expertise, we can flounder a bit.

While public speaking has been a main component of my business for nearly a decade, for a number of reasons, this particular keynote had real FFT / throwaway pancake vibes too. Still, there was no better audience: the New Leaders Council (NLC).

Seven years ago, my cohort for NLC was the first group of people I ever came out to. The experience was so affirming, I came out to my mother the very next day.

This year, the NLC Convention theme was Where Stories Become Action. I’d created an entirely new speech on authenticity, specifically for the event, which I called, “The Scariest Thing I’ve Ever Done Voluntarily: Claiming Identity and Visibility.”

Overcoming Self-Doubt

As I prepped and got distracted by my complicated context at home, I self-coached. We’ve all had those moments when it just feels like too much. I tried to give myself space and grace, to embrace imperfection.

When I finally got on stage, I got into a flow until the audience interrupted me mid-speech, asking me to go back to a specific line:

Authenticity often comes at the intersection of fear and liberation.

This speech was no exception, y’all.

A conference that began for me with intense anxiety ended with a sense of freedom, possibility, and rich connection. It wasn’t the most polished, seamless speech I’ve ever given, but damn if I’m not proud of it.

I’ll share a note I received from Jerry Lightfoot, one of the audience members. I believe it applies to every single one of us, as we strive to live more authentically.

“Thank you for your courage and bravery to live in your full truth.

I love everything about your story, and the best part is that it’s still being written.

Be encouraged, and keep on being a shining light to all you encounter.”

Cheers to the throw away pancakes, to putting ourselves out there, and to embracing authenticity — even when it’s scary.

Big hugs,
Lelia

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Coping With Self-Doubt