Everything ok?

August 16, 2021

It was clear the friend I had texted was unavailable.

He asked, “Everything ok?”

My immediate reaction was, “No.” I’d reached out to him because I was strugg-uh-ling. 

I’d woken up consumed with worries about the medical issues of loved ones, apocalyptic effects of climate change, and the 100th wave of COVID. It had all felt like too much.

But, my friend’s flight was about to take off, and this wasn’t an ideal conversation to have via text on the tarmac. 

That morning, anxiety had woken me up before the sun and before my son. 

Fortunately, my early wake-up provided some solo time and brought spaciousness into my morning. I’d texted my friend from a quiet walk on the bayou.

I looked up at the world around me and thought about his question.

The water was nearly perfectly still, creating a mirror effect for the world above, interrupted only by the occasional turtle.

I was honestly a little surprised to realize that, in that moment, I was ok. It was a powerful perspective shift.

When I talk about Joy Infusions or finding moments of delight, it’s not about toxic positivity or taking the ostrich approach by ignoring the world around us. It’s about actively looking for the moments of beauty or peace, joy or connection.

As a teenager, my step-mom used to tease me that when I say “I’m fine,” it actually meant, “I am so not f---ing fine.” 

It’s taken me years to recognize, accept, and ask for help in the moments when I’m struggling, to be able to articulate, “I am not ok.”

The last thing I want to do is go back to pretending.

Lately, friends and clients have been sharing with me about “pandemic brain” and the ensuing forgetfulness, inefficiency, and exhaustion. Some folks have been crying uncontrollably, while others feel numb.

There are many aspects of our lives that are not ok right now.

But everything doesn’t need to be ok to find potent moments of connection, of joy. To find little delights.

I texted my friend back a picture from the city he loves, from a place that has long brought me peace. 

And in that moment, I was ok.