I Want To Tell You I’m Not Ready
July 27, 2021
Last week, I took myself on a solo retreat to Asheville, NC.
While I (pre-pandemic) traveled extensively for work and to see friends/family, this was the first time I’d meaningfully traveled by myself and for myself in 15 years.
Other than the couple sessions I had with my coach, Dr. Chelsea Rae Verslues, I was alone, writing or reflecting.
I wrote 40+ pages.
As ah-has kept cascading onto the page and out of my mouth, I told my coach,
“I want to tell you I’m not ready, but that’s not true. I am ready.”
Flashback to early pandemic (skip ahead if you’re grossed out by body stuff):
For several months in the spring and summer of 2020, I kept experiencing sudden, violent diarrhea and vomiting. I’d be utterly miserable for 3 to 12 hours, and then *poof*, I’d be fine.
This happened a half dozen times – often enough that I arbitrarily picked the word “cucumbers” as a placeholder to describe the episodes. That way, I wouldn’t have to keep saying “sudden, violent diarrhea and vomiting.”
After seeing loads of doctors, I mentioned my cucumbers to my mother-in-law, who’s also a physician. She said it sounded like a stress response.
That led me to see Dr. Chelsea Rae, who told me “Your body is screaming. We want to get you to a point where you can listen when it whispers.”
Over the last 9 months, I’ve gotten quiet.
Through coaching and reflection, I’ve embraced the parts of my personality and identity that felt “too big” or “too much.”
I’ve reimagined my business to be in greater alignment with my values and the more equitable world I want to see.
Last week in Asheville I moved through some residual layers of shame and hesitation.
Recognizing that instinct to stay small and play it safe is going to be an ongoing practice (I notice my hands are sweating as I type). But, as I wrote in my journal, the trip and the resulting certainty felt like a clarifying – a brightening.
I’m ready.
I’m done hiding.
Next week, you’ll see the culmination of months...years of work.
I’m so excited to share it with y’all and support you at a deeper level. I’m excited to live in greater alignment, ease, and impact.
Spoiler Alert! What I had to share was my new course, You Got This: The Ultimate Negotiation Course for Professional Women, which takes you step-by-step through the negotiation process in a format that’s as supportive as it is delightful. Learn all about it!