It’s All About That Money, Honey
July 16, 2020
What messages did you get about money growing up?
Two of my key money memories are of asking for advice from women I respected.
When I was about 13, I was about to start my very first paid gig. I asked a trusted adult what I should charge my babysitting clients. She suggested I say, "Whatever you think is fair."
When I was 21, my internship supervisor gave me my first job offer. I knew he was going to ask how much I thought I should make, so I asked my mentor how to answer. She didn't know either, so we googled my market value (smart first step!). Then we decided I should ask for the middle of that range at $35,000.
I had a ton of institutional knowledge, was about to graduate with honors, and had had success as an intern, and yet I thought I couldn’t justify being above average. My mentor, a total powerhouse in her own right, didn’t encourage me to ask for more.
When I told my boss $35,000, he said "Yeah, I was thinking somewhere between $35,000 and $40,000." Even with that new information it still didn't occur to me to advocate for my worth
In each instance, a woman I trusted and loved essentially told me
Let someone else determine your value.
You're only worthy of the "average"
These women loved me unconditionally and wanted me to be successful. However, they were each dealing with their own money stories, and likely gave me guidance based on what they would’ve done themselves.
It got me thinking about what kind of voice I want to be for the women in my life and what I need to unlearn to get there.
More than two decades after that formative babysitting memory, I’ve written a book on negotiation and self-advocacy. My entire business model is dedicated to supporting women in recognizing their power and advocating for themselves.
Still, these memories have stuck with me. When I scope a new project, I recognize that familiar little voice asking, “Are you sure you can charge that?” As I continue to work through these old stories and embrace my own power, I can reply with a more resounding yes. I can more deeply support my clients in doing the same.
I’d love to hear from you: what are your earliest memories about money? What did you learn about what was ok to ask for or expect?
