We Should All Get Mammogram Merit Badges
The Peacock comedy series Girls5Eva begins with a mammogram. During the procedure, a former girl group pop star (played by Sara Bareilles) hears her music sampled in a song on the radio.
Trapped in the machine, her boob is actively getting squished while she reaches unsuccessfully for her phone.
She attempts to explain the situation and negotiate with an unamused nurse who just keeps repeating, “Ma’am, please stay still.”
I have loved Sara Bareilles since college and think of her as a contemporary. (We’re about 5 years apart.) In addition to making me laugh, this scene normalized mammograms and reminded me that they were on the horizon for me too.
That day came sooner than expected. Apparently, I’m at high risk for breast cancer, so I got my first mammogram “early”.
I was almost surprised when scheduling the test didn’t fill me with existential dread.
Rather than evoking shame as an early signal of middle age, it felt like a milestone to be shared.
I texted my slightly older friends to get the scoop on the procedure. It felt like I was part of a club.
Yesterday, a friend texted me about her first mammogram. Since I’m younger than the standard timeline for the first scan, I asked why she’d thought of me specifically. She replied,
“You seemed like the natural choice of people to talk boobs with.”
High praise. I love the sense of connection these experiences can foster.
After asking around, it turns out many of my friends recently had their first mammograms too.
Many of us had heard horror stories about the pain and were pleasantly surprised by how easy and quick it was. Apparently, the scanning devices improved dramatically around 2015.
About an hour before my mammogram, I sent y’all my Botox essay*. My phone blew up while I was in the waiting room. I laughed out loud as friends shared pictures of their foreheads, along with their own apprehension or enthusiasm about the procedure. One said, “Everyone our age is dealing with this right now.”
As I looked around the waiting room, I thought, “I’m a middle-aged mom considering Botox and getting mammograms...I think I’m cool with it!”
I love exploring getting older with y’all. The reaction to my Botox piece made me (and many of y’all) feel hopeful, connected. I love that we’re seeing grown-ass women positively and thoughtfully represented in media.
Sara Bareilles wasn’t the punchline as she got a mammogram. She was our relatable heroine.
In the show, the mammogram didn’t portend a lack of sexual desirability and erasure as a middle-aged woman. While the procedure was presented as a sign of her aging, Bareilles was still portrayed as charming — messy, human, and oh so familiar.
Let’s normalize the aging process and perhaps even celebrate these milestones, shall we?
In addition to the routine screens — mammograms, colonoscopies, and the like — what if we awarded one another merit badges or gave prizes for these somewhat inevitable, somewhat shitty firsts?
Chin hair
“Personal dryness”
Joint pain
Night sweats
Reading glasses
Especially among women, for whom aging can come with stigma or shame, let’s welcome one another to Club Middle Age. The welcome package includes a La Croix fountain, a secret handshake, and back pain.
My whole purpose in writing this newsletter is to vulnerably share my experience, so we all feel less alone. Like we’re part of a club.
“It’s like you’re living in my brain” is some of my favorite, albeit slightly creepy, feedback I get from readers.
Whether we’re reflecting about our bodies (mammograms and Botox) or our brains (guilty consciences and anxiety) I love these discussions. Even when the topics are difficult or painful, I find the connection with y’all utterly delightful.
This newsletter community includes some of the smartest, funniest, and most dynamic humans I know. Your comments and thoughtful reflections perfectly encapsulate the kind of conversations I want to be having.
I’m excited to hear what you think
Have you had your first mammogram?
How’d you feel about it?
What else should we include in the welcome package for Club Middle Age?
Thank you for being here. Thank you for being on this journey with me.
Cruising toward 40 and sending lots of love,
Lelia
*I recently had a major realization about the dermatologist who suggested Botox. Stay tuned.