Well, This Is Awkward

August 5, 2021

Some of the feedback y’all have given me on my new website, brand, and core values has literally prompted tears, it was so meaningful. Thank you.

I feel like I accomplished my vision of demonstrating we can be both powerful and playful AF. Everyone from my college mentor to recent clients has told me, “It’s so YOU.”

You know what else is so ME?

These candid shots from my negotiation course:

Brianna Buford, my ah-mazing colleague who helped bring the course to fruition, sent me these treasures as she paused the videos in her editing software. We cracked up.

And it’s not just these stills that capture the messy behind-the-scenes.

There was a point early on when the lighting was so bad, it looked like I was in one of those mirrors that shows you how much sun damage you have. It was equal parts disturbing and distracting.

I’ll also share a more recent, tender behind-the-scenes moment.

I almost didn’t send Tuesday’s essay about COVID decision fatigue and exhaustion (aptly titled: This Sucks and I Hate It, Part 2). I went round and round in the writing process, fearing it was too raw, that people wouldn’t relate to what I shared.

While feedback was exclusively positive, my initial hesitations are no less real or valid. I had no idea how people would react.

I’m sharing my fears with you to acknowledge that even as someone who has built a business around personal vulnerability, I experience hesitation and sometimes intense anxiety about putting myself out there.

I share these photos, first, because they’re hilarious. And second because when you see the polished, profesh, curated experience someone shows online — or even raw, personally vulnerable essays — remember there’s a whole lot more we don’t see.

Author Anne Lammott says, “Never compare your insides to everyone else’s outsides.”

If my website and official brand are my outsides, these candid pics and reflections are definitely the inner workings.