This Sucks and I Hate It (Part 2)
August 3, 2021
If you’re thinking “this sucks and I hate it,”* you’re not alone. Over the last few days, this is what I’ve heard from 4 of my friends:
“I was excited about this big opportunity to present my work at an upcoming conference, but now I’m scared to go.”
“I’m always going to be more anxious about this than my wife. I’m so tired of these conversations.”
“I know I’m in denial.”
“This feels like March 2020.”
That last one’s from a public health official.
As we all desperately crave “normalcy,” we’re all — yet again — navigating ever-evolving COVID boundaries.
We’re — yet again — deciding how to interact with our colleagues and employers, family and friends, and the public at large.
Some of my vaccinated friends are totally unfazed, just masking up. Others are essentially going back into a form of lock down.
100,000 people party at Lollapalooza while New Orleans can’t handle 911 calls, the surge is so intense here in my hometown.
How can I decide what’s right for my family and me? (This article helped.)
When I notice I’m getting impatient with myself and start to think, “We’ve been doing this for 18 months. I should be better at these decisions,” I try to remember:
Yes, I’ve been in these situations and negotiations before. Yes, and…
In this moment, I feel depleted and numb but also terrified and angry.
We’re having these conversations from a place of profound exhaustion, decision fatigue, and rapidly changing information.
I always tell clients that some of my least favorite advice is, “Never bring your emotions into a negotiation.” It’s as common as it is crappy and unrealistic.
In fact, I’d be worried if we didn’t have emotions about the negotiations surrounding our careers and other important aspects of our lives. We’re not robots.
The negotiations we’re having about COVID aren’t neutral. They can literally be life and death.
It feels like there aren’t clear answers about what a “reasonable” level of risk is. Yet again, we’re balancing our physical wellbeing with our mental health and finances — if we even have that luxury.
These aren’t choices or conversations we have once, they’re an ongoing set of decisions and negotiations. And we’re all exhausted.
In the future, I can share some strategies for these kinds of negotiations with employers. (Hit reply to let me know if that’d be helpful.)
For now, I just want to acknowledge where we’re at...again.
This is a lot. Your feelings are real and valid.
We can do hard things.
*On August 4, 2020, I wrote an essay titled “This Sucks and I Hate It,” which sadly felt only too appropriate to reprise almost exactly a year later.